We have all been there. At the meeting, everybody had made a commitment with the good ol’ head nod… but then after that, you realize that some had no idea what they were supposed to do but didn’t want to say anything; and others just didn’t agree, but didn’t want to “make waves”. And it is frustrating because you felt like everyone had agreed! The good news is that this can change. Patrick Lencioni’s The Five Dysfunctions of a Team can give us some insight.
To increase commitment on a team, leaders need to ensure that people on their team can trust and be vulnerable with one another. With trust at the foundation, team members can engage in constructive conflict, and everyone feels like they can weigh in without holding back. When everybody weighs in, everybody buys in. And that leads to real commitment.
At this point, you may be wondering how to build this trust and what healthy conflict looks like? And what does it have to do with getting actual work done?
Building trust and engaging in constructive conflict
Building trust requires vulnerability. What do we mean by vulnerability? Vulnerability is that space where one can feel free to share ideas that may contribute to the team’s success, without fear of what others may think or of making mistakes. Vulnerability also entails getting to know each other’s personalities and tendencies, to be able to understand them more. We can avoid so many misunderstandings this way!
This vulnerability has to start with the leader. If the leader is not vulnerable (human), the people on the team will not be vulnerable either. This is because people naturally look to the leader to see “how things are done around here.”
The interesting thing about this is that if the members of a team are not able to share their ideas healthily, they will do so in an unhealthy way, such as gossip and undermining (the classic “yes to your face” yet “no behind your back”). And this leads to bitterness, politics, power-grabs, and infighting, all of which will get you no closer to commitment.
Colleagues that are vulnerable with each other, need to keep that space amongst themselves safe so that nobody ever holds anything back. Everybody feels valued and can contribute. This leads to very high morale and employee engagement.
When there is trust, teams can engage in constructive conflict around ideas. This conflict is never personal, and, if it gets to be so, it is often a sign that trust has been broken.
Just as miners mine for gold, leaders of teams need to mine for conflict. They are like irons looking for wrinkles to remove in a shirt. When they find points of conflict, they give their teams real-time permission to iron out the details and get on the same page.
Conflict is uncomfortable because we care about our ideas and opinions. But it is essential to be able to engage in debate, even if it gets passionate, because the goal is for everybody to be able to weigh in without holding back.
The commitment stage
Once a team can be open and vulnerable with one another, and once everyone can weigh in healthily, people feel like they can commit. This is because we are more willing to commit when we are sure that we have been heard, even if we commit to something other than what we had suggested.
A word of caution. There is nothing worse than doing all the work and then having a lack of clarity as to what you are committing to. Commitment needs to be clear and explicit, leaving no room for doubt. This is because if you don’t commit to something concrete, you can’t be held accountable for it. And if you can’t hold someone accountable, your results will suffer.
Doesn’t this stuff seem a little too soft and out of touch with reality?
When we hear about team building, we often think back to those dreaded ropes courses and falling-backward-blindfolded exercises. You are right. The worst thing that can happen is that we do the teambuilding and then we get back to work with more work than before and we feel like we have wasted time.
Although building trust can seem only remotely related to what we are doing, it is essential for getting everybody comfortable around each other and being able to row together in the same direction, come what may.
Morale and productivity goes up because we feel safe and that we matter. We do much better work. And we don’t do it because we are afraid of our manager or of losing our job. We do it because we want to and this brings out the best in us. We feel like we belong, and that matters incredibly to anybody who identifies with being human.
Vulnerability seems dangerous, doesn’t it?
Some leaders think that being vulnerable with one another can be too messy and that it can lead to all-out therapy sessions. While it is true that this is technically possible, a bit of emotional intelligence will help us navigate this space effectively. Leaders will just need to be clear about where to draw the line, which usually isn’t a problem at all for them to do.
What happens if you cross the line when engaging in conflict?
Just as in any relationship, conflict is not easy. It is uncomfortable and can be a difficult space to be in. It is an art more than a science. This can cause us to hold back because we are afraid to overstep our bounds and make relationships more complicated. In general, if we view conflict as a means to building bridges and tearing down walls between us, this is constructive and should be welcomed!
Because we are conflict-averse, we will tend to hold back at least a little bit, which naturally keeps us from overstepping our bounds. As team members engage in conflict, there may be moments where somebody goes a little too far. Rather than seeing it as a costly mistake, we should see this as a valuable opportunity.
Whenever someone goes a little too far and then proceeds to repair the damage done, they build deeper trust. It shows the other person the truth about what is going on: I value you and I value the fact that we are on the same team.
What happens if someone on the team still doesn’t commit?
The occasion may arise that, despite all the hard work in bringing the team together, someone still doesn’t commit. They may hold back in times of conflict, and they are not getting vulnerable with the other team members.
Ideally, a member of the team will call this person out and try to get them on board, but if this doesn’t work, the leader may have to have a conversation with them to see what is going on. It may be that it is not the right company for them. More often than not, however, drawing close to them and engaging them using emotional intelligence should be enough to bring them around.
